The last time I blogged I was in so much pain. . I did not know another way to lay down my cross than to blog, pray, cry, wake up, and continue on with my day.
It was so painful, I hadn't even been able to return to my own blog for fear I would see the post. But I've been inspired by the most beautiful essay I've ever read. This essay is the result of an assignment my teenage daughter was working on. She used my work computer to type it, so I found it as I was shutting down for the day, saved in a folder that I never use.
I read it and cried because I was so touched. I thought I would share it to give hope to other parents raising children, who aren't sure whether their child knows how hard they're working to do right by them. . Here goes:
The Strength of My Mother
Never have I claimed to be a perfect daughter, because God certainly didn’t make me that way, but I haven’t always strived to be either. I wake up every day asking “How has my mother had so much patience with raising me as a single mother over these years?” My mother is defined by me as my heart. I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for her. Unfortunately, I know I haven’t been easy to raise. I’ve watched her cry, scream, and hurt because of me, and I live with the fact that I can never take any of that back.
My mother’s name is Anasthia Johnson. She became a single mother at the age of barely eighteen. She moved to Arkansas from where she was originally from, Texas, fear of my father finding out a bad decision she’d made while he was in prison when I was only one. With intensions on starting a better life for me, she’d planned on going to the Air Force, but soon changed her mind once she realized how long she would be away from me for basic training. She worked at McDonalds, Sam’s, and other hourly jobs years before enrolling into college and earning two degrees. My mother did her best to spoil me throughout my life, before and after she earned her degrees and career.
My mother has obviously always been hard-working and dedicated. She has the same worth ethic when it comes to raising her children. Before I entered into this world, she promised me she would never give up on me, and still she hasn’t. I’ve literally given her hell, and she still sticks by my side, and supports me-flaws and all. My mother has always seen what I can become. She’s always loved me for me, even when I didn’t love myself. She’s pushed me to be the greatest I can be in every aspect. I haven’t always understood the punishments she’s bestowed upon me, but they always have a positive outcome because she understands me and knows what’s best.
I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, just in the past three years, I don’t blame my mother is she disowned me today, but I know that she loves me enough to never leave me. She’s has taken and hidden so much pain from me, and I have caused so much pain to her, it makes me ashamed. I hate to her cry, but I’ve been the cause of her crying repeatedly. The first time I hurt her, I was caught with a boy in the house. I took me over a year to understand why she was “tripping” so much over it, but I came to understand that I had brought a stranger, to her comfort area, the place where she pays bills, and controls every aspect of living. It took months, years for her to forgive me, but still she did.
My mother is the most passionate woman I know. She loved me so deeply, when she tells me, my heart melts, because I know she means it and shows it every day. I know one of us will have to let each other go when God calls us home, so I hope it’ll be me letting her go because I would hate for her to be on this earth without her seed. No more will she shed a tear from my ignorance. “Mother, you’re everything love can give to a child.”- Erica Johnson