"White is Right" is wrong

Why is it that when black people do well in an area, it's defined as "White?"

- "You talk White" means you speak well.
- "You living like White folks" means you have a nice home with little stress.
- "I want that White man credit" means I want to actually pay my bills on time and not live beyond my means.
- "You better stop treating your kids like the White folks" means you better start verbally abusing your children, and physically abuse them when they don't listen.

I've heard them all. And have heard each of these phrases multiple times at one point or another throughout my life. It goes into one ear and out the other. But now my kids are starting to complain that they are hearing "You talk White." And they don't understand what it means. .

Oh boy. . Here goes.

Here was how I explained it to my ten year old today.

"Some Black people are convinced that we (Black people) are not good at anything. So, when someone of color is good at something, they relate it to a white person because somewhere in life they've learned that all good things come from white people. So, it's your responsibility to be even better than you would naturally be. . so somewhere along the line. . that person will have at least one example of a person of color who was just as good or better than the vision of goodness they have created for whites. "

But when I was done with the Mommy talk I had to shake my head. It just makes me sad.

Damn! It's 2013 and racism is still alive. Black on black racism is still rearing its ugly head.

What I'll Never Know: The Last Lesson My Heroine Taught Me

Every now and then I hear myself saying, "My momma taught me that. .," or "My momma would always say. . " When I do, I always take a little pause after that sentence to let the sadness pass. . and to blink through the tears that rush to my eyes.

I've pretty much gotten over the fact that my momma is now in heaven, so I will not have the luxury of hearing her voice or seeing her face on the tough days. But what I can't seem to get over. . the one thing I can't seem to shake is that when my momma left this world she took with her some really amazing sayings and some helpful lessons that I now will never receive.

I feel the greatest loss because of that.

It is NOT true. You CAN miss something you've never had. . especially if the other things you've received are SO beneficial that you know that the best is yet to come.

Elizabeth Ann Francois just taught me SO much. She gave me all the tools that have gotten me this far in life.

- Thank God for the good and the bad. Oftentimes they serve the same purpose; to build your spirit.
- You can't love all your children the same. They are not the same. Your job is to treat them like the individuals they are; and love them the way they need you to love them.
- People will use you, abuse you, and confuse you. LOVE THEM ANYWAY. But when they hurt you, do it from a distance.
- Being rich has nothing to do with how much money you have in the bank. It's about how able you are to help others.
- Always forgive. Not to help the person who hurt you; but to help yourself.
- When you can help someone else, do it. You never know when you are going to need someone to come through for you.
- When you do your best you never have to brag on yourself. People will take notice and spread the news about your awesomeness.
- A no good man is just that. You cannot change him. That's God's job.
- Being Christian has nothing to do with your church or how frequently you show up in your best Sunday attire, it's about allowing the spirit of Christ to shine so brightly within you that people can see him in your walk, talk, and act.
- You have to be IN LOVE with yourself before you can fall in love with anyone else. Once you build yourself up you don't have to look for someone else, they will find you.

I could fill a blog directory with all of the lessons my momma taught me. I was blessed for 32 years to have her in my life, and if I try hard enough I can probably recall a thousand nuggets of wisdom she placed with me.

So, I'm sure you're wondering why I now feel like I left some cards on the table? Well, at the end, I just didn't take the time to sit at her feet and allow her to add to the wisdom she started planting with me..

That has to be one of the most painful admissions ever.

My momma was SO strong and so unrelenting in the most difficult situations. Honestly, I thought she'd kick cancer's butt, and we'd have a laugh about how the Devil tried to take her out again.

That's just who she was. She was a conqueror.

So, when I learned she was sick, I asked her to be straight with me. "How sick are you, Momma?" As always, she said, "I'm OK, baby." So, in my mind I thought, " I'm gonna take the next few months to wrap up these work projects, and bring Momma to stay with me this summer." Even after I went with her to chemo and saw how tired she looked, I just KNEW this was just one of those tests she had to endure so she could impart upon me the lessons she had learned.

Well, I'm sure you've read her obituary. She passed November 6, 2007.

That's the day I learned the lesson people speak on, but don't really understand unless they LIVE it. Tomorrow is not promised: not even to the strongest of warriors.

So, my life has changed. I don't let a day go by without telling my children I love them. I call my siblings as soon as the thought crosses my mind. Work is work. There's a time for it; but I'm not consumed by it anymore. And I've decided to be the best friend to my best friend. . not only in words, and cards, and on holiday. EVERY DAY.

I can only be grateful for this final lesson my momma left me with: the reality of my own mortality. It's been a hard pill to swallow, but still I have to say thanks.

Trading Places - I'M going to be a gentleman

I'm in LOVE! And I kinda suck at this sorta thing.

Mmmmmm. OK, I'll be honest. Scratch kinda and you got me dead on.

So, I want to try something completely different. Since I have grown a serious disdain for Valentine's Day, I'm gonna take it - or at least the Friday after - as my opportunity to romance my man.

Here's my idea.

For Valentine's Day, I'm gonna woo my beau. Here's how I will be a GENTLEMAN.

#1 - Flowers
#2 - Card
#3 - Stuffed animal
#4 - Candy
#5 - Opening the car door
#6 - Opening the door of the restaurant
#7 - Letting him walk through first
#8 - Paying for the meal
#9 - Compliments (Which isn't hard at all. He's gorgeous!!)
#10- Pulling out the chair

This is going to be really hard for me. I acknowledge that. I'm a complete sucker for a gentleman. I need that in my life. But this man that I'm in love with IS a gentleman. He's wonderful. He's really changed my life. And Usher's song, Trading Places has inspired me to think outside of the box when it comes to showing the man I love how much I appreciate the things he does to spoil me.

I'll let you know how it goes as I try to be a gentleman.

Know your consumer rights; especially when you are at WalMart

I purchased Claritin tablets yesterday, and realized this morning that I should've gotten the Liquid Gels. I HATE to return anything but didn't see the point of being out of $20 more when I've spent several hundred at Walmart over the weekend.

So on my way back from my son's basketball practice I brought the Claritin, as I had purchased it, and the receipt to the Customer Service desk.

Since there was a line, I figured the best use of my time would be spent reading the return policy. By the time my turn came up I was familiar enough with the 5 or 6 paragraphs on the sign to feel prepared.

I told the lady, I want to exchange these Claritin tablets for Liquid Gels, and what did she say??? A LIE!!!!!!

This ignorant redhead looked me in the eye and said, "Walmart's return policy will not allow me to return or exchange those."

As an informed consumer, I asked her what any informed consumer would ask. "Ok, where is the policy because THIS WalMart policy doesn't mention it."

Next lie. "This policy is specific to the pharmacy, so it's on a sign in the pharmacy."

Fortunately, I'm not AT ALL lazy, so I walked the 20 or so steps to the pharmacy and looked on EVERY shelf and wall. Nothing.

So I walked back to the Customer Service desk and asked the same lady to come show me the sign. I said, "I want to take a picture of it."

She said she was busy, so I stood in line and asked the other lady behind the desk the same request. Poor thing obliged.

This time the two of us walked the 20 or so steps back to the pharmacy, searched every shelf and wall and found no sign.

So, she walked up to the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist. Not the tech, but the woman in charge that should know better.

The pharmacist said, "It is not a Walmart policy, but a pharmacy policy. Would you want to purchase medicine that was opened? If we let you return it, we have to throw it away."

"No. I understand that. But as a consumer, I have rights," I replied. "For instance, I have the right to know BEFORE I purchase a product that I will not be able to return it. So, show me the sign or give me my money."

She sighed. She rolled her eyes. She stared at me. But wrong is wrong, so when she was done, she instructed the lady from customer service to refund my money.

I didn't want it. As I initially intended to, I just returned the tablets for liquid gels. And walked my 9 year old, who was with me during all this, through the lesson of "When you are right, you don't have to be ugly, stay calm, and stand your ground."

I'm a little disappointed by what happened at Walmart. I spend WAY too much money there, and will rethink that decision. I don't want to support a company that would try to pull a fast one on me.

Like the title implies, you MUST know your consumer rights, and exert them.

I actually don't think about weight loss, ever

Am I in the minority?

I LOVE the way I look!

Big breast, round ass, full cheeks. I LOVE IT ALL. Why wouldn't I?

In an interview about Anne Hathaway's Les Miserable driven haircut and weight loss, she said, "I’m a girl. Lets face it, we think about losing weight all the time.”

Hmmmmm. I don't agree. WE don't think about losing weight at all. WE love ME. LOL.

No, seriously. ME DO.

As a teenager, I was pretty miserable. I weighed about 85 pounds when I entered into high school. I had full breasts, because they just dominate my genetic pool, but nothing else. My aunt nicknamed me "Bones," and I caught every skinny joke ever written. All I could think about was how badly I needed to thicken up. And all the things that were really wrong with me.

I guess as I've grown into the person I am, I've just learned to look at life differently. EVERYONE has something about themselves that they want to improve upon. Or at least, they should. And the people that have the largest amount are the people that tend to be in the group that constantly tease you about the stuff that makes you insecure.

See the haters for who they are. Insecure, insignificant people looking for a win by tearing apart someone they perceive to be of the weaker variety. They're everywhere.

Walk tall.

Be proud.

Know that you're beautiful!

BECAUSE YOU ARE!!!!!!!!

How Twinkies' outcry reveals America's lack of discipline

There are A LOT of overweight people in my family.

Don't get me wrong. They are NICE people who would help a stranger if asked. They are all good-hearted people who want to see everyone do well. They are GOOD people. But when it comes to food, sometimes they make bad decisions in selection, preparation, and Oh Lawd quantity.

I struggle each day to make sure I make healthy decisions, so that I don't have to deal with early onset of diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease. I beat myself up sometimes when I drink a 100 calorie Lipton tea instead of water.

I've never had a problem with my weight, but it's because I'm conscious of what I'm carrying around in my genes.

Even outside of my family, it's so CRAZY that with the rampant rate of obesity in the United States, there would be so many people upset about the end of Hostess Twinkies.

According to Wikipedia, a single Twinkie contains 2.5 grams of saturated fat, representing 13% of the recommended daily intake of saturated fat based on a 2,000 calorie diet. It is 42% sugars, 21% complex carbohydrates and 11% fat by weight.

C'mon guys! We've GOT to do better! That is, if we want to be around to create that great legacy we have envisioned for our kids.

Strong women should not crush weaker women: How do you do it?

I use to have a job that had a lot of prestige. . a great title. . offered me a great opportunity. But the lady I worked for cared more about making a dollar than she did about the people who worked for her. She would give you feedback that was honest, but it cut like a knife.

I learned so much from that lady about running a business. . taking ownership of a product. . adhering to a scope. . providing quality work. . getting work done on time and under budget.

But when I left that company, I promised myself that I would not be a leader who crushes the women around her.

Fast forward to today:

Everyone who works with me knows that I'm all about the process:

- First you do this.
- Then you do this.
- Then you do this.
- You do it all on time and on budget.
- Then you report on how what you did made a difference.

THE END.

This was not the first time I made one of my co-workers cry. But this time hurt ME. This co-worker is a female, but she's not a Chicken Little. She comes in every day and works hard. She believes in how important it is to end hunger and poverty and empower women. She is my daughter. She is me awhile back. She's a woman doing her best in a world ruled by men.

And without trying, I became my previous employer. I was honest, but that was all. I crushed my co-worker. I SAW the tears.

I apologized. But I have to work on me.

I have a daughter that I raise to respect all people; especially other women.

How do you do it?

I've learned that strong women intimidate weaker women, and tears are the result. But I want to be the one that uplifts ALL women, so that we can all be strong.

How do you do it? I don't know. I continue to pray about this.