I can do ALL things. . almost

My Mom used Philippians 4:13, I can do ALL things through Chris who strengthens me, as a daily mantra to keep herself going.

Well, I'm growing, and learning, and drawing closer to Christ. I've even adopted my Momma's daily mantra (or at least most of it), "I can do ALL things. ."

But God has a sense of humor, especially when you've decided to only adopt pieces of his Word. That much I know. So, he's put me into what I now consider a hilariously funny loop.

Here's how it goes:

1. I have car trouble.
2. I pull over to inspect car, and resolve car trouble.
3. Good Samaritan comes by and resolves trouble.
4. I drive off with working car, but feeling that if only I had a "few more minutes" I could do all things MYSELF.

This scenario repeats iself about 4 times a year, at least, since I first bought a car 13 years ago. . It ALWAYS happens.

Soooooooooooooooooo, this morning, I was headed into work when one of my dashboard lights came on. [I get nervous when I see those things.] They're yellow and red. . and to me, they are on the same level as "Danger, Will Robinson!" from Lost in Space. Well, anyway, while driving on the access road, I reach into the dash and pull out my trusty Nissan manual and look up what the issue was. AIR PRESSURE.. Well, that's an easy one.

I actually drove for a bit to find the most out-of-the-way gas station, so I could "pull over, inspect, and resolve" in peace. I walked around the car about 3 times to inspect when I realized that I had NO CLUE which tire was low. . OK, how the hell do people do this stuff?. But I can still hear the mantra in my head. "I can do ALL things. . I can do ALL things. . "

A really nice guy wearing a wedding ring comes by in a Jeep and pulls next to me. He says, as they all say, "Ma'am, please let me do that for you."

"No thanks," I reply. "I've got it."

I walk around one more time, and determine that I'd just decide by eenie-meenie-minie-moe which tires needed air, and topped off two tires. Well, guy in the Jeep is still trying to help, "Ma'am, if you'd just let me take care of it, I will. I promise, I'm not trying to flirt with you. I just want to help."

I inspect my work. Feeling really good that for once I was able to take care of my own car. I nod to him, smile, hop in the Altima, and drive off. But Dude continues to follow me and beep until he gets my attention.

I'm a little freaked out, so I looped around the access road, so I could return to the same gas station where at least the attendant last saw me alive. I locked my doors and rolled down my window. "Can I help you?," I asked. Obviously annoyed.

He looked at my back passenger tire, and said, "When you added air, did it fix the problem?" I looked down at the dash, and admitted, "No. So?"

"Well, if you'd stay in the car and give me 15 seconds, I'll take care of it," he said. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Fine! I graciously nodded and rolled my window up.

After about 10 seconds, he tapped on the window and said, "This tire was probably about flat. I'm glad you let me help." I looked at the dash, and the light was off.

I unlocked the doors, introduced myself to this really kind man, and against his will, shook his oily hand.

It takes God to step into my life first thing in the morning and remind me that I can do all things, but only "though Christ who strengthens me."

OK, God. I got it. You (and Momma) are right.

Claiming a Happy Ending for My Own Fairy Tale

My favorite part of the Cinderalla fairy tale was never Cinderalla -- with her spoiled self. It was not the handsome prince. He was a little too perfect for my taste. It was not the wicked step-mother.. Who treats their kids like that anyway? It was the BEAUTIFUL step sister, Anasthia.

The tale says that Anasthia was mean and made Cinderella do her work. But I happen to intimately know an Anasthia. Hey, I'll fess up. I AM an Anasthia.

I am beautiful. I am very caring and pleasant to be around. I am super hard-working. If anything I work in a Cinderalla fashion each day.

I'm claiming a happy ending to this story because one day I will meet my prince, fall in love, and ride into the sunset -- Or something like that -- and live happily ever after.

Why Try to Ignore the Elephant in the Room?

We've been down this road before. . this very same road. . and arrived at this very same spot. . and what happened? I let go.

But now I'm back with a renewed promise to try to see this thing through against all odds, but what do I do about the elephant in the room?

No, I'm not calling your Mom an elephant, but damn, she won't forget. That was mean. . but surely you get where I'm going, right?

She hates me.. She HATES me.. I almost can't believe someone hates me. . I actually don't think I've ever been hated before, especially without knowing the reason why.

Because I did not speak to her when I walked into a room full of people that looked alike and did not know which one was her? Really? I guess I could have admitted from the very beginning that I just had not memorized her face, but damn. . How could I know that my omission would lead to this?

And then, after that first mistake, I made a lot more. I was nervous. I felt out of place trying to get to know a lot of strangers under a very high expectation. .I just don't think this situation is fair.

I don't want to let go. . I really, really don't. . because I love you. . I'll always love you.

But right now there's an elephant in the room that I know will eventually make her move and stomp all over me and our relationship. What is a girl to do?

Trying to Balance it All

I know I'm blessed. I REFUSE to ever post anything that does not acknowledge in some way that God is the most dependable resource I have in my life for everything I need.

Having said that, I'm a human being. And I struggle every day with trying to take on things that are not my own. They belong to God. But I do it anyway.

It's just that today, I've had this feeling that I'm just trying to balance too much.

- I have 3 beautiful, healthy kids who need me to be at every basketball game, reward ceremony, and parent-teacher conference along with caring for their every day-to-day whims. But I got it.
- I have a boyfriend who needs me to support him, to wait for him, to make time for him, to KEEP UP with his crazy amount of energy, and to sometimes help him offset his disappointments in other areas. But I got it.
- I have an amazing job that does not lend itself to less than a 10 hour day. Hunger and poverty does not keep office hours, and often, neither do we. But I got it.
- I have a wonderful old house (30+ years) that needs me to care about my property value in order to one day deliver me a decent selling price when I'm ready to upgrade. But I got it.
- I have a crazy extended family that I love to pieces (sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, uncles, aunts, and everything else) that need me to listen, to advise, to care, to help, and to pray. But I got it.
- I have an overly hyper dog who needs me to pay attention to him, feed him, pet him, love him because the kids moved on to the next new thing about 5 years ago; I'm pretty much all this puppy has. But I got it.
- I've got people in my life that need me to pray, and walk right, and succeed, and try to be a good woman because they often don't have anyone else who will accept the calling. But I got it.
- I've got some bills.. And well you know with bills, you get bill collectors. And we all know what they want. Right? But I got that, too.

But here's how God works. I just typed up the list of the biggest burdens I'm carrying. I reviewed it in preparation for summarizing my feeling of being overwhelmed. But after I reviewed my list, I realized that nothing I've included are burdens at all. Instead, they are ALL these amazing blessings from God - even the bill collectors - each one placed in my life to constantly remember to thank God for the overflow he's allowed me to enjoy.

And again, that's what I gotta do. THANK YOU, GOD!

My Impatience Saves the WORLD time

On Monday, I went into WalMart to make my daughter a new key for our front door - Yes, she lost her keys AFTER I incurred the expense of changing all the locks.

As soon as I walked into the Tire & Lube department, I was amazed to see 9 people already standing in line at the register. Of course, there was no cashier there.

I became #10. I stood there for like 3 minutes - which is like forever in my world to just stand in line. And was #10 for the whole 3 minutes. The line never moved. The cashier never came.

I really need this key. I REALLY need this key. So, I start doing my research on how to get the line moving. I asked Person #9, "Was the cashier here when you got in line?" No, she replied. "How long have you been waiting?", I continued. "Oh, about 15 minutes." I asked person #5, "Was the cashier here when you got in line?" No, she replied. "How long have you been waiting?", I continued. "Mmmm. about 20 minutes."I asked person #1, "Was the cashier here when you got in line." No, she replied. "How long have you been waiting?", I continued. "Well, about 40 minutes or so."

40 minutes? 40 minutes? People, are you serious?!! I realized that these fools are standing "in line" without even knowing that the Tire & Lube Department was even open. It was pretty late in the evening.

I looked out into the automotive bay area - through a huge glass window against one wall of the Tire & Lube department - and saw about 6 mechanics gathered around a car. I stepped out there and yelled, "Excuse me. Can we get some HELP in here?"

A really friendly mechanic lady stepped inside and said, "Oh. Sorry. We did not know anyone was in here waiting."

Oh Yeah. I was agitated by the people who were insane enough to wait their lives away to spend about $2-$3. [EVERYONE wanted a key.] But I was equally agitated with the employees there that I KNOW at some point over the course of 40 minutes would've/could've/should've looked up and saw these pitiful souls standing in a stupid line for keys.

You are welcome, World. I will NEVER stand in a stupid line without making sure someone knows I'm there, and that they are very conscious of the fact that I have better things to do than just stand in a stupid line to spend any amount of my hard-earned money. And my impatience will save YOU time.

Be careful what you pray for

I've learned (again) that God will give you what you pray for. . even if it's not what your heart truly desires. In this particular case, I don't know if He came through because he wants to reassure me that he supplies my every need OR because he wanted to teach me to Be Careful What I Pray For.

I got out of a LONG, tumultuous, really awful relationship and was feeling a little lonely. I took a little time off to figure out what I needed out of a relationship. All the while devoutly praying for God to send me The One. Eventually, God came through and answered my prayers. I met a wonderful, sweet younger man who lived in a different state.

He was a student with a master plan to get his degree, get married, and live his dream. There were sparks. Shit, there was fire.. OMG. I don't even know how to describe how I felt except to say, "Right." Everything felt like it was right.

Well, things got hard. I got scared. And I let go. I just let go.

I just could not grapple with the idea that God would've sent me what I want and then make me wait for it. Huh? I mean, why should I wait? I was ready! Right?

Well, once I "let go" (sort of), I got back to devoutly praying. I'm a good prayer, ya know. "God, send me someone who does not want to wait?" Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Here's where God taught me a lesson.

God heard. He delivered, and did not even make me wait. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Could there be a catch here?

Soooooooo, what did I get? A man that did not want to wait. . for anything. Then, I realized it. He was not close to being ready. I was not ready either.

God had already sent me what I needed. And now, he was displeased with my lack of appreciation. I prayed. God delivered. He delivered not only what I prayed for, but much much more. More for now and more for the future.

OK, God. I've learned. I can wait. I can wait. I can wait. I will wait. Because while I'm waiting, I'm going to be making changes so that I can be right for the man you have sent me.

Amen.

I'm a HORRIBLE valentine

This episode actually began more than a week before Valentine's Day, on February 5, 2010.

I received a new position at work - an amazing accomplishment - and within 30 minutes of the announcement I received a very beautiful bouquet of flowers. They were so fragrant and diverse. I have to say they were really beautiful. I was actually surprised that they were sent by The Flower Guy. Simple card: "Congratulations on your new job."

It's really weird. I met this guy one day and we chatted, but I just did not feel a connection. Apparently, he did, and has been sending me flowers pretty often since then. What's weird is that I'm not even a "flower person," although my daughter is, so when I receive them at work, I bring them home and brighten her day. I appreciate the fact that The Flower Guy continues to send flowers (for two years now) because it's one of those constant reminders that I'm not as petty as people think I am, and if they'd spend just a few moments getting to know me, they'd get it. . and save a few bucks on flowers. But oh well.

On the Friday before V-Day, one of my really good friends sent me a really beautiful Wine Country Gift Basket with a simple card, "Happy Valentine's Day." Now, this gift touched me because the guy really did not have to go all out for me. I have not even been a good friend, breaking our last 5 lunch or dinner dates due to other commitments. So, I was actually really touched that he sent me a gift because it sent the kind of message I can appreciate. "I don't expect anything" is what it said to me. So, we are having lunch today since I'm off, as I make an attempt to be a better friend. Hey. I may even pay.

Saturday before Valentine's Day, I received an even more beautiful bouquet of flowers in an amazing vase with a really thoughtful card from someone that I have just really been going through it with. I will not detail the tawdry details here. Just trust me. It's been rough.

These flowers were hand delivered with really thoughtful sentiments, but with one downside: an expectation.

Oooooooooooooouoooooh. I just cannot tell you how it burns me up when someone gives me a gift with the expectation of getting something in return! Not a gift. But my heart.

That's not how it works. If you suck on all days leading up to Valentine's Day, but go out and break the bank on Valentine's Day, that does not reduce your sucky-ness. It just does not work that way.

I was gracious. I showed gratitude. I upheld my graciousness even after he insisted that we go out even though I said I did not want to. I even maintained it later in the evening after I enjoyed a few hours of Monopoly with the kids - I kicked their butts! - and he mentioned that he was disappointed we did not go out.

I was raised to have manners. It's actually a big negative a lot of times because I find myself biting my tongue in a lot of situations when I'm completely repulsed. I hear myself saying, "It's OK" when I want to slap someone in the face.

I probably don't have to sum it up. Dude that gave the flowers on Saturday came up short. I feel bad, too, because I know he could not afford Tipton Hurst, so I'm struggling with my feelings today.

However, this is one of the cases when my drive to the kids school proved to be more helpful than usual, in that I heard a radio personality sum it up.

-- If you have been 100 up until V-Day, in a bad economy, there's really no reason for you to go all out.
-- If you got it, and you've been doing it big all year round, go head and splurge for V-Day. Maintain the consistency.
-- But if you are trying to use V-Day to make gains with someone whose not feeling you, save a few bucks. The results will only disappoint you (and her).

I had to type this out without thinking, so I may come up unappreciative. You gotta take it or leave it.